Dialogue > Article > Walking the Tight Rope

“What did you learn today at school dear?” So goes the proverbial question parents ask in order to feel plugged in to their child’s educational experience.

But, of course, for so many parents, their interest doesn’t begin and end at the dinner table. It’s no secret that—especially at independent schools—parents often take an extremely active interest in their children’s education. And that’s a good thing—really it is!

It’s important to understand that schools need to embrace partnerships with parents as much as parents desire a meaningful connection with their child’s school. The move towards such partnerships is the only way that schools can operate in this day and age.

More than ever, independent schools are faced with the demand by parents to enter into a co-parenting agreement. This is a far cry from even a generation ago, when it seemed as if many parents entrusted their children to a school completely. Much has been written about “helicopter parents” who need to actively control their child’s life even as the child transitions into adulthood. These parents are a reality in our schools today and, without positive partnerships with these active parents, problems can emerge that distract schools from their primary missions.

At the same time, to stake a claim in the competitive independent school market, schools scramble to add programs and services. An active and involved parent base can often be the only way that these programs can grow and flourish. Schools get support from parents that they can often get from nowhere else. Remember, you have roughly twice as many parents as you have students but only roughly one-tenth as many teachers.

Both parents and school administrators have common goals: To ensure that each student reaches his or her full potential and to ensure that he or she is happy along the way. But, on some days, individual goals can differ or even collide.

As in any partnership, it’s critical to establish clear communication, respect for a plurality of opinion and ground rules. Huge benefits that can be achieved through parent partnerships. It’s useful, however, to watch out for challenges that may result when these partnerships are not forged and followed.

One indicator of communication that needs work is when a parent claims to be a spokesperson for a group of parents. If this parent has not been established as the line of communication for concerns, it’s time to ask a few questions. Does the parent not know the rules? Does the parent find your current structure ineffective? Has the parent heard “no” without being heard? Getting your official parent groups involved in asking these questions can only be of benefit.

As educators, we’re all looking first and foremost to improve the educational experience for students, while maintaining some sort of work-life balance. The over-arching goal of parent partnerships is to identify ways to engage the mass of parent volunteers to help improve this experience.

One way that parents can be engaged is through consultation in the development of policy and practice. Realistically, parents understand that they are not the drivers of policy but that doesn’t mean they should not be involved in the decision-making process. A sound administration understands that parents are extremely important community constituents and should be consulted when creating policy.

So, what’s the ideal role for a parents’ organization in that process? Parents can be the initiators of some positive change within a school, so long as educators are willing to give up some control, within limits. To set these limits, ask yourself some simple questions. Start with: “What must not change?” If you know your fundamental operating principles, it makes it much easier to be flexible in other areas.

For example, why not release policy documents in draft form to parents and let them stress test your policy document before it is written in stone? This seems a much better idea than to release a policy document as law, only to find that parents have valuable insight into how to make it better.

Likewise, parents are eager to involve themselves in pomp and circumstance at the school. When it comes to celebrating the success of a child, there are no better cheerleaders than parents at, for example, graduation day or prize day ceremonies. So why not let parents help plan such important days?

We recently had a group of parents’ kick-start the Blues Booster Club, a new organization designed to stir school spirit at Upper Canada College in Toronto, Ontario. The group aims to boost attendance at our sporting events and have created school scarves, laminated team lists and planned year-end team gatherings to invigorate school spirit. Few of these initiatives would have been implemented by the school alone, due to the scarce resource of time.

Additionally, parent organizations can give much positive input if engaged as your ombudsperson. Why not give them the reins to sit in on school meetings, and allow them to filter and handle certain complaints? Perhaps there’s a particularly sticky situation; for instance, a religious holiday causes a scheduling conflict for a planned school trip. It’s possible that a level-headed member of your parents’ organization might just save the day.

Keep in mind that, realistically, the parent organization does not drive policy. But it’s nice to be asked! And, by engaging a few parents, others will genuinely believe that the school listens and takes opinion into account. And that creates a far-reaching positive dynamic.

If a parent organization trusts in you, the organization, they help create an early-warning system that might not be in place if the trust weren’t there. The key to establishing that trust is the ability of a school to admit its mistakes and to ask for help. If, for some reason, schools feel that admitting mistakes is a sign of weakness, they condemn themselves to a cycle of being found out, rather than setting up a cycle of honest feedback. If mistakes are admitted, parents understand that schools are made up of human beings doing their best and will be more willing to forgive. The cynicism creeps in when flaws are discovered, rather than communicated.

An example of communicating our mistakes occurred this past year, when we had an incident of bullying within our building. We had set up a structure that had allowed for a room to be unsupervised and a student had a negative experience because of this. By informing parents of the issue and committing to do better, rather than committing to secrecy, we opened up a dialogue with our parent organization about how to improve.

Once trust is established and lines of communication are open, parent organization members would far rather inform schools when there are difficulties before they turn into major problems. This saves the school from having people organize a movement and lets us nip problems in the bud at an individual level.

For example, parents keep an eye on our yearly calendar to inform us of any conflicts, errors or omissions. Parent organization members may also inform a school of local issues—“Did you know about the zoning application down the street?”—that an independent school might otherwise not know of. Parent organizations are truly our ear to the ground within the community.

Sometimes, parent organization initiatives or relationships don’t go as well as planned. Often the root cause for such difficulties is a lack of clear parameters. There is nothing more frustrating for a parent group than to contribute meaningful work toward an initiative, only to discover that the school has no interest in that direction. Clear, concise and early communication is key to ensuring groups are working towards a common goal.

A case in point is our committee that worked on Upper Canada College’s Leaving Class ceremony last year, a hardworking group dedicated to making it the best ceremony ever (a familiar theme with parent groups). We have working groups of parents that help plan some of our events, including the graduation ceremony and arts festival. Chaired by two parents, this committee included some employees, who were charged with co-coordinating the Leaving Class ceremony.

Unfortunately, we did not communicate early on that we were not willing to entertain the thought of moving our ceremony off-site. The parents’ group then went off and did a lot of work in sourcing and pricing venues, only to find that we wanted to remain more low-key. By not communicating the parameters effectively, we created some animosity.

On the other hand, parent involvement in planning the same graduation event shows how open minds and effective communication can create positive results. This past year, the same parent group expressed interest in helping us create a warmer, more caring graduation ceremony. After canvassing parents of students within the Leaving Class, they determined that the best strategy was to have Senior House advisers say a few words about each boy as he crossed the stage. Advisers were not convinced; common concerns were, “What about the parent of a less-involved boy?” and “Someone is bound to be disappointed by the comment.” Despite fears of potential backlash, advisers decided to implement the strategy on a trial basis. The result was overwhelmingly positive; there is little doubt that we will do the same thing at this year’s event. By setting parameters around what the school is and isn’t willing to consider changing, allowing parents to canvas each other and generate ideas, through listening, and making an honest attempt to implement their ideas, we have arrived at a better place. None of this would have been possible without an effective parent group working on our behalf.

Remember, much like your students, parents thrive when they receive clear guidelines, opportunities for growth and development, and interesting ways to become involved in their school.

If your school takes a long look at how to engage parents more often, in new ways, and more effectively, the net effect will be a more positive community. In the end, it could well be our students who will be asking their parents at dinnertime: “What did you do at school today?”